Wednesday 14th October 2009
I was delighted to learn that I’d been invited to the launch of ‘What’s It All About Ralphie?’ at the Dundee City Centre Waterstone’s last Thursday. I’ve always liked Ralph Milne so it was great to shake the hand of somebody who I’ve grown to really admire as a footballer in recent weeks thanks to Dundee United’s '100 Years Of Tannadice Tradition’ centenary DVD. I’ve been known to dabble in a bit of poetry once in a while so I have always especially liked Gary Robertson too. The Cundeez were an added attraction to the night’s proceedings and as always they never fail to entertain with their punk brand of ‘tangerine-ness’.
Firstly, this is a fantastic read. It is a total page turner and I certainly recommend it not only to any Arab or Man United fan, but to any football fan anywhere. If you only buy or read one book this year, I’d shortlist ‘What’s It All About Ralphie?’ alongside ‘The Rise Of The Terrors’ and ‘A Passion For Survival’ by Steve Gracie.
Ralph’s story is hilarious from start to finish. I loved the stories of Jim McLean giving players a roasting in the dressing room with Ralph describing the sort of anti-authority humour akin to the Police Academy films of the 1980’s. The tale with David Narey’s ‘huge ball’ gesture was especially worthy of a laugh out loud, as was the mental image of Ralph pinching his nose to pop his ears back out, a particular favourite of mine.
It was also fascinating to hear Ralph’s account of Jim McLean and actually sad when you consider what the end result may have been had they both seen eye to eye.
Being 30 years old, Ralph Milne was always a player that I had always intended to learn more about as I am too young to remember his days as a Dundee United player. It was wonderful reading about his prime in the Dundee United first team, especially the European matches. I did not know that he still holds the record for the most European goals for United and was only one away from equalling the European goal record of the late ‘Jinky’ Johnstone of Celtic.
This is of course the story of a footballer, a damn good footballer the like of which we would be very, very lucky to see in tangerine these days. But this is also the story of a man with a serious alcohol problem.
Ralph is open and honest about the extent of his drinking and I have to say that his candour is admirable. In the book, Ralph describes himself as somebody who ‘likes a drink’, but it is painfully obvious that alcohol took away everything good that Ralph ever had. Some might say that it was his to throw away, but to describe himself as somebody who ‘likes a drink’ is a huge understatement.
Whilst it’s wonderful to read about a man who has had an extraordinary life, I also found it frustrating to read of Ralph’s decline not only in football due to his excessive drinking, but his decline in general as his marriage suffered, his gambling was out of control and large parts of his fatherhood were missed out on. At every turn, alcohol was the key factor in everything negative that happened to Ralph and I found it sad to read about how he essentially drank away huge opportunities along with an athletic talent that most of us can only dream of.
Some nice little touches in this book are the inclusion of Gary Robertson’s poem ‘83’ as well as the foreword by Ralph’s friend Andy ‘Pits’ McPhee. The ‘ In Their Words’ epilogue from the likes of David Narey, Paul Hegarty, Davie Dodds, Eamonn Bannon, John Reilly, David Narey, John Clark, John Holt and Norman Whiteside (a former Man U team mate) was a great way to end what is a very colourful, entertaining and very, very funny book which I completed within 24 hours of starting. But what it left me with was the overwhelming feeling that had Ralph Milne stayed away from alcohol, he would have achieved so much more. He is without doubt the greatest uncapped Scottish footballer, that’s a fact. Who knows what might have been?
He does point out that there is nothing he would change:-
‘How can you? I’ve had a great life and travelled all over the world doing something I loved doing’.
Out of 6 billion, I suppose that there are not many people in the world who can say that.
'What’s It All About Ralphie? – My Story' by Ralph Milne with Gary Robertson is out now in hardback from Black & White Publishing ISBN 978 1 84502 269 3
Christopher Bennison - ArabTRUST Webmaster
The views expressed in this review are that of Chris Bennison and do not necessarily represent the views of ArabTRUST.
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